Three to Get Married
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28 February 1992
Central America

My dear Friends in Jesus Christ,

There was a very popular television personality in the United States some years ago. He was a Bishop and this Bishop was also a writer. To one of the books which he wrote, he gave the title, "Three to Get Married." The point of the title was that, besides having a man and a woman for marriage, something else is necessary. It is as important as the man and woman, and it is love. Perhaps you will say that that is obvious, but I am quite sure there are many people who, because of their experience in marriage, would say that love in marriage is a much deeper and more complex reality than they realized when they decided to marry.

It is about marriage that Our Lord speaks to us this morning in the Gospel. Let us leave aside for a moment what Our Lord has said to us about marriage in the New Testament, and let me ask you to reflect on what you would say if you were invited up here and asked to speak for a few minutes on the importance of love in marriage.

A couple who have been married for thirty or forty years might stand here and say: our children are now grown up. We had much joy in rearing them, but experienced many difficulties and anxieties about them from time to time. They are now reared and we are back where we started. We are united still and we love each other. We see love in marriage differently from the way we saw it in the weeks before we got married. We have had our differences, but we would never wish to be separated.

An engaged couple would tell us of the joy and the hopes that are in their hearts as they look forward to their wedding day and of building a home together. They are so much in love with each other that they cannot see on the horizon of their lives a single cloud that could sadden their hearts.

A divorced man and woman would speak with sorrow in their voices. All began well, but then the marriage broke up. Little difficulties became great ones. Tension grew. There was a failure to understand each other, and perhaps one or the other was unfaithful to the promises made in marriage.

A widow and widower would look back on marriage and recount some of the joys and sorrows of those years. Uppermost in their minds would be the pain of separation that was brought about by the death of their partner.

Yes, and a child can speak of marriage. Perhaps we might be surprised at what a child could tell us about marriage. Children observe with great penetration the relationship they see between their father and mother More perhaps than any social assistant, a child can detect a strain in the relationship between its father and its mother.

What will a priest and a Sister have to say about marriage? They will speak in favor of marriage and of the importance of lifelong fidelity to the promises given in marriage. Priest and Sister will acknowledge gratefully what they have received from their parents and family and will explain why they have chosen the priesthood and religious life in preference to marriage.

We have allowed a number of people to express their views on marriage. What matters most, whether we are married or not, is the view of Jesus Christ. If you were asked to say in one sentence what Jesus Christ has told us about marriage, would I be wrong in saying that the first reply we would all make is this: Jesus Christ said that marriage is for life and that divorce is wrong?

Yes, marriage is for life and, if it is, love must be for life. Love is for life. There is a phrase that all of us can think about and use, whether we are married or single, priest or religious. Love is for life. Each of us, throughout our lives, is called to manifest love, each in a different way, according to his or her vocation and condition of life. Often ask yourself the question: what persons have been enriched by my life? Jesus Christ was a celibate, but think of the billions He enriched by His life. A mother and father enrich their children in hundreds of ways. A widow and widower can continue to show love to others in ways different from the way they showed it to their deceased marriage partner. The vocation of a priest or Sister is about love, showing love particularly to the poor and those who have been deprived of all that human love brings. For all of us, love is for life, and it is on love that each of us will be examined at the moment of our deaths. St. John of the Cross put these words into the mouth of God: "At evening time I will examine you on love." More important still are the spoken words of Jesus Christ. He has told us that a surprise will await us in death. The surprise will be a pleasant or an unpleasant one, and that will depend on the love we have shown to others during our span of years on this earth. "I was hungry and you gave me food; I was thirsty and you gave me drink; I was a stranger and you welcomed me; I was naked and you clothed me; I was sick and you visited me; I was in prison and you came to me." (Mt 25:35-36).

May all of us be strengthened to share with others the love God has put into our hearts. Love is for life, and love is to be shared. Through the intercession of Mary, the Immaculate Mother of God, may we be made worthy of the promises of Christ, Who lives and reigns forever and ever.

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