Courtesy
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31 May 1991
Rome, Italy

My dear Sisters,

Forty years ago there lived in England a Catholic layman of great culture who was a strong apologist for the Church and a poet whose family roots were in France. One day he visited a monastery, and the monks brought him into one of their great halls where he noticed three large paintings on the walls. The first depicted the Annunciation, the second the Visitation, and the third the Nativity. "Here," exclaimed the poet, "are three paintings, and in each of them there shines out the light of courtesy." That prompted the poet to write a poem on courtesy, the opening stanza of which is:

"Of courtesy, it is much less
Than courage of heart or holiness,
Yet in my walks it seems to me
That the grace of God is in courtesy."

Contemplating the Virgin Mary in the mural, as she rides out from Nazareth to visit her cousin Elizabeth, the poet remarks that:

"Her face was both great and kind,
For courtesy was in her mind." (H. Belloc).

Of all the mysteries of the rosary the second joyful mystery is that in which courtesy is foremost. The visit which Mary made to her cousin was a visit of courtesy. Elizabeth immediately recognized it as such, for she exclaimed in grateful wonder, "And why has this happened to me, that the mother of my Lord comes to me?" (Lk 1:43). Elizabeth thus responds to the courtesy of Mary in coming to visit her, and Mary matches Elizabeth's courtesy with yet another gesture of courtesy in allowing Elizabeth to speak. Mary simply greeted Elizabeth and then allowed her cousin to speak. Elizabeth for her part shows a delicate courtesy to Mary. She did not start talking about her child or about her good news. All her words were directed to the praise of Mary and of the Child she was bearing in her womb. "Blessed is she," exclaims Elizabeth, "who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her by the Lord." (Ibid., v. 45). Mary's courteous reaction is not one of false humility, but a simple hymn of joyful thanksgiving to Him Who was ever mindful of the poor. It could be said that in praising God, her Saviour, for remembering the poor, Mary was anticipating by thirty years her Son's first Beatitude: "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven." (Mt 5:3).

How the feast of the Visitation of Our Lady came to be linked with the feast of the Visitatrixes of the Company, I do not know. Was it because there is a certain kinship between the words Visitation and Visitatrix, or because Visitatrixes, especially nowadays, must undertake many journeys so that they keep in contact with the Sisters of their Provinces and support them in the living of their vocation? What is certain is that the office of Visitatrix calls for those qualities which Mary of Nazareth exhibits in the second joyful mystery of her Rosary: physical strength, authentic humility, openness to others, patient listening, joyful gratitude, and gentle courtesy. This is a formidable list of qualities which, like flowers, need careful cultivation, and which will not flourish without the living water of divine grace. Throughout the Company today and here at Jacob's Well, we ask the Lord to give our Visitatrixes that living water, while we for our part offer them the bread of our appreciation and thanks.

Relating the quality of courtesy to our Vincentian spirit, St. Louise with her emphasis in her correspondence on the importance of tolerance, gentleness and cordiality, offers us the ingredients of true Christian courtesy. These three qualities, so highly valued by St. Louise and which are the essence of courtesy, could be said to be close relations, if not daughters, of the three virtues that characterize all members of the Company.

Courtesy--the word itself almost evokes another age, another society. Be that as it may, it is certain that our society, marked as it is so often by anger and protest, has need of men and women who speak the living language of courtesy. Our society has need of people who will exemplify the qualities of tolerance, gentleness and cordiality. The Church and the world have need of guides who by their manner of living will point toward that more excellent way commended by St. Paul when he wrote that "love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful." (1 Cor 13:4-5).

The most delicate flower of charity is courtesy.

"Our Lady out of Nazareth rode,
It was her month of heavy load;
Yet was her face both great and kind,
For courtesy was in her mind." (H. Belloc).

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